Thingamajunkers and Other Flotsam

I have a love/mostly hate relationship with all of those Buzzfeed-esque quizzes. Which Frozen Character are You? What Color are You? What Font are You? And my favorite, How Lazy are You? What if you are too lazy to take the quiz? How can I share that super lazy status with my Facebook friends?

Still, the quizzes that suck me in, I feel have scientific accuracy.

Screen Shot 2014-03-18 at 9.23.46 PMI got Mindy Kaling! Suck it, haters!

While I’m cutting and pasting and on the topic of apathy, this was the best gossip headline I’ve seen in a while (it’s the top one next to the teeny thumbnail):

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They’re famous, but not famous enough that we know their names, nor does the headline writer have time to do an image search to find out. I love it.

Instead of saying, “thingamajigger,” today, Rocket said, “thingamajunker,” which is really much better in some situations. I’m using it exclusively, now.

Speaking of Rocket, you know you’ve made a successful dinner when your child has to plug their nose to eat it. Mr. Dramatic was able to choke down the asparagus in a harrowing eight minute ordeal. He lived. Huzzah!

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Complying with the NFL Clear Bag Policy

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For scale: the left bag holds a sweater, sweatshirt, t-shirt, and clutch.

I’m torn on this one: part of me feels like sporting events are ripe for some sort of awful terrorist event and better gate protection is needed; the other part of me thinks that making a mom with two young kids buy and carry a clear bag into a stadium is not the solution.

About two days before heading out to a 49ers game, my mom said something to me about the new NFL all clear policy because I didn’t know a thing about it despite following football. (Following football is different from following stadiums. Keeping up with game rule changes was confusing enough, and FYI NFL, when reaching out to bloggers, don’t exclude the NFC West region.) I looked at the policy and then places to buy complying clear bags online through the NFL shop, but the 49ers bags were back ordered for weeks (and the least expensive bag remains backordered). I scrambled out to the nearby 49ers shop where I was able to find a small size bag for $5. I bought three – one for me, and one each per kid – and our stuff fit comfortably, but the problem was with the execution of the bag carry.

Going on a picnic, these bags would be great. They aren’t the most comfortable over my shoulder (longer straps would help), but they were fine. Yet, NFL stadiums are crowded, and Candlestick Park has walkways that resemble a mosh pit. I had to carry all three bags, plus hold my kids’ hands to safely navigate the crowd together. I missed the backpack that I take into SF Giants games, the one that holds all of our gear in one sack. and doesn’t keep sliding off my shoulder, knocking my kids in the head.

What made me uncomfortable about the clear bags is that everyone sees what you brought. I don’t care if you see my sweatshirt or water bottle, but my phone, wallet, and (spoiler alert) tampons are another story. To make me feel better about my wallet, I took a small square clutch – the same size as the one that used to hold my ID and cash on my keychain during college – and used a carabiner to secure it to the bag handle. This way my wallet wasn’t floating around in the bag, possible falling out or getting snatched. It worked perfectly.

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The tampons were another story and were shoved in between the sweatshirts, allowing me to retain some dignity. Maybe the NFL will next come out with a licensed feminine hygiene products bag.

If you bring along a child in diapers, but don’t worry, per the NFL, your baby can carry her own diaper bag!  ”Diapers can be carried in a clear bag. Each member of a family, including children, would be allowed to carry an approved clear bag and a clutch purse into the stadium. That is a quite a bit of storage capacity.”

Here’s the thing, I’m happy to pay $5 for better security. I would have also paid $5 to avoid the out-of-her-mind drunk woman in front of us who threw up like a sprinkler, hitting all the seats around her, but that’s another story. I would feel a lot better about the NFL’s interests if they were not profiting from the bag sales. Paying $5 was fine, but the $10 and up, plus shipping, prices online make this feel like it’s more about revenue than safety. The position that there is a less expensive alternative – simple Ziplock bags – is nuts. They know football is played in the cool/cold weather, which usually calls for layers and blankets too bulky for any allowable Ziplock. Plus, are we supposed to Duct tape straps to make them wearable?

If you’re serious NFL, sell the $5 bag online, at stadium gates, and at merchandise booths inside the stadiums. I was stopped many times to answer where I found our bags for purchase. Answering, “the 49ers store in Palo Alto” wasn’t what people wanted to hear. We all want a safe environment, help make it easy to comply.

Touring a Decorator Show House (Or Design Outside of My Reach)

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If you can’t say anything nice about someone, sit right here by me. More from the Decorator Show House in Woodside, where I admit that I announced my arrival by tripping over a wooden dog. A real dog would have moved in time.

Setting All Movements Back in a Single Morning

Feeling fired up about being a liberated woman, I headed to Ikea alone this morning. This is what the Lean In book is all about, no? I haven’t read it. I’m hold number 44 at the library and I should expect to receive the book in a little over 200 days. That is the library’s real estimate. Maybe I should reserve the large print version because those are always less popular?

Anyway, the feeling that I was unconquerable carried me into the self-serve section. I smirked at Ikea’s illustration of two people lifting the box, as I reached over and tried to shift the box containing my small bookcase to one side to get a better grip. Then I knew: there was no way it was going to happen. Sure, the nice Ikea guy who asked if I needed help may have been able to get it on my cart, but was he going to help me get it in the car, then follow me home to take it out? It felt rude to ask. Now I’m left wondering if I can convince Kevin to take a half day off work tomorrow to pick up all of the heavy things I need.IkealiftingillustrationI’ve let down Sheryl Sandberg. And I forgot to marinate the chicken for dinner, so I’ve also let down whomever spearheads the roll back movement.

 

Catholics Watch The Masters on Easter

A simple plan to combat overeating at Easter. Set up the buffet in front of the TV:

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Everyone watches who eats what and how much. Want seconds? They must be justified to the room full of people glued to The Masters, mostly because you're blocking the TV while freshening your plate. Please note: the picture was taken a few hours after the party began. Brunch was long over, but people we starting to go back for lunner (is that lunch and dinner? linner?).

We've consumed a lot of peanut butter in the last few days, almost all egg-shaped and covered in chocolate. Reese's tastes the most fresh at Easter. Halloween usually has some dried out peanut butter cups, which makes me wonder if people buy their Halloween candy on Nov. 1 and store it in their freezer until next year. 

Mustering up super human strength, I made it back to the gym today, and while on the treadmill, I listened to two old Jewish men discuss the recent holidays. I could no longer listen to Ozzie Guillen on the TV in front of me explain how "I love and respect Fidel Castro" was misinterpreted  - the guy rambles regardless of language, thus the holiday talk was a welcome diversion.

One man explained to the other that his weekends have been taken up by the recent holidays as he had to go to someones house for Palm Sunday, "then, of course, there was Easter."

other guy: What's Palm Sunday? Is it like a second Easter?

first guy: Yeah. I guess so.

other guy: We went to Passover at an orthodox friend of my son's. It was four hours!

first guy: Four hours! Why so long? Did you fall asleep?

other guy: I wanted to, but we all had to read. We read every single page in that book! I didn't get to bed until 12:30, which is three hours after my bedtime!

first guy: Every page? Why?

other guy: The guy's orthodox, so you know he couldn't start it until after sundown, which was 8 p.m. Then he read, and he passed the book around so we can all read. We ate during half time. Not half time, but intermission. I told my wife, if they ask about us next year, tell them we're busy!

first guy: How do you know him?

other guy: I told you, he's a friend of my son's. His parents live down the street from us, and he did too, until 2000. He was a partner in a tech firm, and he left, getting $200 million, and soon after, everything crashed. He got out with the $200 million, so after that, he became orthodox.

first guy: Ahhhhhh. The converted are all like that.